Have you seen this circulating on the internet? I got a copy in my email this morning. Clicking on the graphic will enlarge it so you can read some really excellent tips on how to be a good wife.
If you read the whole thing, you’re either infuriated or LYAO about all the things a wife is supposed to do. This woman has been advised to totally sacrifice herself to play the role of the perfect fantasy wife for the man who wrote it. Fortunately, it’s just a hoax, not a real article. Unfortunately, some wives are actually expected to play this role.
Our 7th house is where we can get lost in the role of a lifetime. Maybe you fantasize about the gorgeous subservient lover who caters to every whim and expect a real person to play the role. Maybe you find yourself playing the role of the perfect student, the sacrificing friend, or even the good wife ~ and also find yourself hating every minute of it, feeling phoney and ingratiating and deprived of authenticity. I love what Eckhart Tolle says about role playing in A New Earth:
Instead of human beings, conceptual mental images are interacting with each other. The more identified people are with their respective roles, the more inauthentic the relationships become.
Here’s the start of a list I’ve made to remind myself of when I’ve entered into a role.
I’m in a martyr role if:
I find myself doing things because “no one else will do it”
I’m sacrificing for someone else but make it known to them
I’m in a victim role if:
My boundaries have been broken and I continue to allow it
I’m feeling sorry for myself
I’m in the role of a Judge if:
I stereotype someone
I always find something wrong with someone or something
I’m in the role of a chameleon if:
I change my identity to be someone else’s ideal
I change my behavior to something I think they will “like”
We can make a lot of changes in our lives to be with someone we love (and maybe it wouldn’t hurt us to make some of those changes), but we have to hang on to our authenticity. A very wise woman once said, “We can’t lose the core of who we are.” She’s so right. We’ll never feel more alone than when we’ve abandoned our Self.
Sometimes we DO have to draw a line in the sand and defend our boundaries so that we can be our authentic selves, but there’s a right way and a wrong way and circumstances will dictate which is which. It’s usually best to drop the role, though, and stop living in agony. Here’s how you’ll know when it’s past time:
A preacher stopped by an old man’s house to visit for a while. They sat on the porch and the whole time, the man’s dog was whining and crying. It got so bad, the preacher was having a hard time carrying on his conversation. Finally, he said to the man, “Why’s your dog crying so?”
“He’s laying on a nail,” the man replies.
“Well, why doesn’t he move?,” the preacher asks.
“It doesn’t hurt bad enough yet.”
Check out the Wikipedia explanation about the Good Wife’s Guide hoax here.