Cancer ~ Is Your Mom a Bitch?

Child_crying-1Are you one of those folks who finds it hard to tolerate all this Cancerian symbolism of dear old mom because, frankly, your mom’s a toxic bitch? Does Mothers Day make you cringe? Rest assured, you are not alone.

I don’t want to offend anyone, but there are plenty of rotten moms out there. If you had a great mom, consider yourself very lucky.

My first encounter with a rotten mom was when I was about 13 years old. My best friend was three years older than me and lived across the street. Her mother was very lazy, making my friend do all the housework and cook for a family of six. She was also a drinker and a “child-beater.”  That’s what we called them then. The dad was extactly the same way. Life was horrible there.

There were lots of beatings at that house, but one is ingrained in my memory. It was the morning of the first day of my friend’s senior year of high school. She had survived the summer in the house with her mom and was looking with great anticipation at the freedom a day at school would bring her. It was the first day of her senior year and nothing was more important. She talked about it for weeks. She wanted to look her best, of course. She had her outfit picked out, knew how she would do her hair and had practiced her makeup. She’d secretly bought the makeup with the few pennies she tucked away through the summer months. Mascara wasn’t in a tube yet. It was a little cake-type thing you spit on and rubbed the brush in. Well, you weren’t supposed to spit on it, but everyone did.

When school was out, I rushed over to her house. I couldn’t wait to hear all about it. I imagined it would be exactly the kind of day I wanted to have when I was a senior.

Not exactly. When I got there, she was a mess ~ looked like she’d been dragged to hell and back. Seems her mom didn’t like the primping she was doing, so she threw a bottle of rubbing alcohol at her. If you’re old enough, you’ll remember those bottles were made out of glass then. The bottle burst when it hit her thigh, putting a six-inch gash in her leg. She spent the day at the emergency room getting her thigh sewn up. The bruise wrapped around her entire leg. So much for great memories, huh? Thanks, Mom.

There are plenty of other stories. Moms who beat their kids, moms who drank or had addictions of all kinds, moms who were absent, who gambled the money away, moms who ambushed dreams, who chose lovers over their kid, moms who — honestly — just didn’t love their children. Screamers, hitters, abusers. I don’t know if there’s anything worse. I guess there is, but good lord a’mighty, it doesn’t get much more rotten than that.

For both men and women, one of the developmental tasks of adulthood is to separate one’s self physically, emotionally and mentally from one’s parents. ~ Pottenger and Dobyns

It’s much easier to separate ourselves physically from our rotten moms than it is to leave them emotionally or mentally. That’s a long bridge to cross. Healing Mother Daughter RelationshipsI don’t know of a specific astrological signature that will tell you if you were “destined” to have a rotten mother. Every moon sign, every aspect, has its positives and negatives. The same symbolism can manifest as good or as bad nurturing. It’s not the chart, it’s the people.

If you would like to explore your relationship with your mom, I can recommend Healing Mother-Daughter Relationships with Astrology by Maritha Pottenger and Zipporah Pottenger-Dobyns. I think men can pick up a few pointers, too, even though it was written for women. It’s an astrological cookbook with some case studies and detailed info on many astrological factors exploring this type of relationship, including aspects to the asteroid Ceres, archetypal mother figure. Last I checked, there are some great prices on used copies of the book.

7 thoughts on “Cancer ~ Is Your Mom a Bitch?

  1. Sabina says:

    Thanx so much for this piece – and esp your new moon in Cancer bit -which I rec to anyone reading this one, who missed it. And it’s never too late to mother ourselves: personally, I have taken your Ma’s advice to heart and shared it with others. How wonderful that she can be our mother too!

  2. cjwright says:

    Sabina,

    Nothing would please my mother more than to know somewhere someone’s child has benefitted from her caring and supportive words. Thank you.

    cj

  3. Pep says:

    Wow – this is SUCH a good article, CJ! Thanks for this and the link to the book, above. I know so many women (myself included) that can benefit from it.

    I have mostly healed my ‘mother’ wounds, but every once in a while something filters up from the depths to get looked at again – your post was synchronistic for me in so many ways, and such a good reminder of what I already know. I have a natal Pluto/Moon square, and what with the Grand Cross Grand Slam, stuff percolating up from the murky depths . . . I’m just glad I have some tools for dealing with it now, and feel for those who are where I was even 10 years ago (at a complete loss as to what to do with all that old history).

    I had to comfort my 7-year-old granddaughter who was carrying around the wound of having her mother say to her, “I need a break from you damn kids. You’re going to live with your dad for a while.” Her father is my son, and they’re living with me. Oh boy that made my heart hurt for her, and now I’ve got a good idea from your article how best to help her.

    Thanks also for Sinead! Such a beautiful song, something many of us resonate with. Very, very good post, thanks again!

    • cjwright says:

      I’m very happy to hear that you found some benefit here, Pep. My heart breaks for your granddaughter, and for all the unmothered, both children and adults. It’s a slow heal, if healing comes. I do hope the transformation that comes with the deep insights of the Grand Cross brings you comfort, and know that you will be a strong, healing guide for your grandchildren.

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