Aloofness is one of the Water Bearer’s less charming traits. It underscores more negative Aquarian traits like cold, detached, unfeeling and unsociable. Yes, Aquarius can be quite unsociable even though it’s one of the social (air) signs.
We all have Aquarius in our chart so it would be unlikely that one of us hasn’t had an attitude of aloofness toward at least one person at some time in our life. Maybe it arises when you see an old classmate who mistreated you back in the day. Maybe you create it as a barrier when a fellow passenger takes the seat next to you on the plane or toward a family member who really irks you.
I use aloofness to protect my feelings, to keep from getting hurt. It doesn’t really work, though. Pretending not to care hasn’t ever solved a thing. It just turns the temperature down on an already icy world.
Does anyone remember that old dating advice to act like you’re not interested? Who can resist what we “can’t” have?
- When do you get aloof? What’s the trigger?
- How does it protect you?
- Have you ever snubbed someone as payback for snubbing you?
- Can you be friendly and aloof at the same time?
- How do you respond to aloofness in other people?
If you’d warned me you were coming this morning, I would have worn my armory,” she told him with chilling aloofness. ~ Janet Dailey, The Master Fiddler
Auntie Moon 
Oh, you’re in my land here CJ! With Moon, Mars and Venus in Aquarius, I always followed my Mum’s advice “treat ’em mean – keep ’em keen” and snub was my middle name! Trouble is, when I was a teen, the boys usually mistook my ice maiden aloofness for shyness and tryed to smother me with kindness – yuk! Never mind, you can’t win ’em all!
Mandi 🙂
And I had just the opposite with my Aquarius rising. I was mistook for being aloof (aka “Stuck up”) when it was really my shyness at work underneath the facade.
OK, you’ve shamed me into ‘fessing up! While the aloof act was a deliberate put on, it was really to hide the shyness ~ LOL! Have a great weekend, CJ
This is a great topic, CJ. As a Cancerian, I am often befuddled by Aquarians, because they seem so INTERESTED in you when you meet them and so much like my new BFF, and then they disappear for all time, so I’ve had to learn time and time again that they don’t mean anything by it.
I’m also fairly formal, and when I go out with friends who have something in Aquarius, I find them to be what I’d call innapropriately friendly with perfect strangers. (Like tell their wildest secrets to the waitress or get the store clerk to spill her life story. OR tell MY life story to the cab driver. Brrrr!!)
On the other hand, I myself have a Venus-Uranus-Saturn conjunction, and I’ve been seeing lately how I can seem open and friendly and yet have walls 10′ thick. Last summer I moved to a senior building with 100 apartments in it, and I’m noticing that 6 months later, the only friend I have made here is the neighbor from my old complex who was a friend and helped me move here. I put myself out to say hello and chat with my new neighbors, but in truth I haven’t any interest in developing relationships with them.
So, aloof? Might just be, might just be. Donna Cunningham
I think Aquarians really are interested and then they get distracted by something and lose track of time. It’s what pegs some Aquarians as the absent-minded professor. Maybe losing track of time is one of Uranus’ rebellious acts against Saturn? It seems Aquarians need plenty of alone time, too. One of my best Aquarian friends once said she hated all her friends and couldn’t stand to be around them. That was years ago and she’s still seeing them, still loves them deeply.
I am aloof with people who have done things to annoy me in the past. I think that if I just leave them alone, they will leave me alone. LOL Never seems to work. It seems they come at me even harder, as if it is a challenge.
I am in a similar situation to Donna (above)..but since moving I have to put boundaries in place..as a Libran it was a case of too many, too much. Aloof..definitely, but I think it is just whilst the Scales balance..unfortunately a Life Work for Librans! I have an Aquarian Jupiter (2nd House)..oh lucky, lucky me!
Suffering from shyness myself..I do tend to sit it out when I meet ‘aloofness’..one time doing the Libran ‘sitting on the fence’ can pay dividends – I understand and accept shyness.
My husband is a Libra and unless he is interested in what is going on, he will just sit to the side and pay no attention to anyone, or get up and leave. But, if he takes an interest he is the life of the party and you can’t stop him from talking.
Being Cancer/Cancer rising I am shy in more public situations, but I think my Sagittarius Moon and Leo Mercury get me very friendly and talkative in smaller groups.
Aloofness from strangers doesn’t seem to bother me at all as I feel I pick up on peoples feelings and I am just fine with it. But, when a close friend is aloof I sometimes wonder what I did wrong to offend them, but have realized that most times I am picking up their feelings about how they are, and it is not about me.
Good points, Susie. I agree on the misunderstood aloofness of our friends. Sometimes it’s just their mood and we just hang with them through it.
My mother was an Aquarian and I always thought she was “out there”! She could be interested one minute and out of reach the next. She had 7 planets in Aquarius so aloofness was more heavy than with most.
I pretty much expect it with my Aquarian friends and other Aquarians I meet.
That’s a lot of Aquarius to grow up with, Anne. Since you’re so attuned to Aquarius, are Aquarians drawn to you like a magnet?
You know, I never really noticed. I’ll have to look into that. But Aquarius does run in the family.
Mine, too: My mother Moon in Aquarius, father Jupiter-Uranus-Midheaven conjunction in AQ, all in the same degree, brother Sun-Venus-Mercury conjunction in AQ, Sister AQ rising. Imagine a poor little Cancerian kiddie (that would be me) in the midst of all that! Donna
Not that long ago, I was approached on the street by an Aquarius who’d just moved to my town – she saw me giving directions to a stranger and thought I was someone she should know. We got together once or twice and emailed back and forth a number of times, then I never heard from her again. I sensed she’d realized (as had I) that although we liked one another, we didn’t have enough in common for a long term friendship. No hard feelings though, I still think she’s a very nice person and I feel confident she feels the same about me!
My own Aquarius placements (Moon/Vertex/Chiron) have a hard time carrying off aloof – even with people I dislike, I try to remain polite; anything less seems dehumanizing. Maybe that’s what aloof is.
I think my Moon square Neptune/Mercury/Jupiter (in Scorpio) makes me wear my emotions on my sleeve much of the time. I probably lose some of my warmth when I feel it isn’t safe to be vulnerable and/or authentic, or when I sense someone is inappropriately crossing my boundaries.
I’ve just re-discovered your site and am enjoying it!